IT’S A GIRL! But there’s more to it than that.

"Don't mess with our sister."
“Don’t mess with our sister.”

If you haven’t heard by now, our family is expanding, and we will be experiencing an increase in estrogen levels in roughly 18 more weeks. We are having a girl, and I am psychologically preparing. I’m already buried in pink and bows, and we’re only halfway through the pregnancy. “She NEEDS this bow!” “She NEEDS that pink tutu!” “She NEEDS this chandelier!” So many nee…WAIT, WHAT?! This “needs” list just entered a whole new realm. A friend recently shared a word of encouragement and said, “Don’t worry, girls are definitely way more expensive.” Thanks for that. Not helpful.

But let’s get serious for a minute.

Early on, we had a chance to do a blood test to determine gender that would also check for other potential issues for the baby. In the same phone call we found out it was a girl, we also found out there is a 99% chance that she has Turner Syndrome. The googling began pretty quickly after that. In short, Turner Syndrome only affects girls since there is a missing X chromosome. Some traits associated with the syndrome are small stature, heart defects, physical abnormalities, and ovaries that don’t develop so they cannot go through puberty or have children. Any health concern in a child is alarming, but Turner’s is manageable and something we would be ready to face with hormone therapy and a good pediatric endocrinologist. The most alarming statistic, to us, is that a very small percentage (2-5%) of pregnancies with a Turner’s baby make it to birth.

You can imagine how quickly our joy turned to anxiety. Many of our friends and family have already joined us in prayer, and we’ve experienced some exciting updates together. Eden has passed the 20 week mark, and we’ve had two ultrasounds so far. Both ultrasounds showed measurements, weight, and heart anatomy as completely normal. Typically, a Turner’s baby will measure small and sometimes will have a growth that is visible on the neck. Neither of these things are the case. The last ultrasound was so good that the specialist said we did not have to see him again! Thank you to everyone who has been praying. We believe our prayers are being heard, and God is working on our behalf.

With that said, our experience with the specialist has been stuck in my mind. Honestly, it made me sad and angry, on many different levels.

When Eden and I were notified that our baby may have Turner Syndrome we were referred to a specialist. We set the appointment and went in with some uncertainty on what to expect. We had an in-depth ultrasound where we saw some very precious pictures of our baby girl. Here’s one.

There she is, in all of her beauty.
There she is, in all of her beauty.

After the ultrasound we had a consultation with the doctor. Throughout the entire three and half hours we were in the office, there was a palpable undertone that having an abortion was an option. Seriously.

My daughter just waved at me, and you’re telling me there is the LEGAL possibility that we could “terminate the pregnancy?” I can see her hand, and her face, and her legs, and watch her squirm around trying to avoid the spotlight of the ultrasound camera (apparently, she is a bit ornery too…oh boy.), and we can just end it??

“If that is an option, you would have to decide pretty quickly given the current stage of the pregnancy.”

That was actually said to us.

To the doctor and nurse’s credit, they did not seem very excited about the proposition of terminating the pregnancy, but it felt as if they were forced to offer it as a legitimate option by “the powers that be.” That made it all even more alarming.

Do you want to know how many times this option is offered and ACCEPTED? Well over 3,000 times….A DAY!!!

Look at my daughter again.

She's already pretty friendly.
She’s already pretty friendly.

Girls and boys like her, waving at us like her, are being killed daily.

Over 3,000 of my daughter’s friends are raising their hands daily saying, “Please, don’t hurt me.”

What are we going to do about it?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Ah, another political abortion post.” Well, you’re wrong. If you believe that any conversation about abortion boils down to donkeys and elephants, then you are dead wrong. I’m not going to try to convince you one way or the other. All I want you to do is look at the ultrasound pictures of my daughter and consider the fact that it was legal for us to abort at that point in the pregnancy. Just think about that. That’s all. No political ideology. No canned speeches. No “see it my way or you’re wrong.” Just look at the pictures and think about it.

Her arm, her face, her body. She's healthy.
Her arm, her face, her body. She’s healthy.

Honestly, this has become all the more real to me because of the option being made available to us directly. We have become so politicized in our culture that nothing seems like real life. We watch it on TV or read about it in our timeline, make a snap judgment and a snide comment, and move on to our Netflix. We alleviate our immediate desire for action with 140 characters, and feel better, so we keep moving along.

I could easily give you more statistics on the demographics of abortion. On the gruesome process of abortion. On the main purveyors of abortion. But all of those things are too intertwined with the politics of the day. All I want you to do is look at my daughter. Look at Selah Violet Cruz, and consider that she is waving at you, and we could have legally ended that wave.

We plan to call her “Selah V.” That’s right, like, “C’est la vie.” It means, “that is life” or “such is life.” After hearing her initial prognosis and chances, and now seeing our prayers being answered, we can’t think of a better name. She IS life. Right now. In her mommy’s belly. Waving, wriggling, kicking, breathing.

She. Is. Life.

How could we allow that to be taken away?



16 thoughts on “IT’S A GIRL! But there’s more to it than that.

  1. Judy Donnal says:

    I think this is beautiful and well said. I lost a child and the hospital wanted me to dispose her as if I had an abortion. We made the decision to bury our daughter but we had a battle doing this I did not have an abortion and she was not to be treated as an aborted baby. They try to stump you when you are low or in shock. Abortions must stop

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Janice Houser says:

    Tears streaming down my face I can say that I have never heard more beautiful words about life within the womb. We have been praying for your baby girl. as well as our church is praying. Thank you for posting this. Hopefully many “mother’s -to- be” will consider “life” over abortion. God bless you & Eden on this journey of love.
    For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. New Living Translation You…
    Psalm 139:13

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amy says:

    WOW! Bring on the tears and JOY!!!!! So proud of both of you! WE STAND WITH YOU BELIEVING FOR A MIRACLE and can’t wait to meet precious Selah V.!!!!!! Love you all and seriously, Tory……YOU ARE A GIFTED WRITER!!!!!!

    Love, Aunt Amy

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jeannie Houser says:

    What a difference knowing Jesus makes in how we see the preciousness of EVERY life. So thankful for your love for your daughter regardless of what her physical condition might be.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lauren Fortenberry says:

    I love how you begin with all our culture puts onto raising girls (e.g. bows, pink, etc.) and strip that away to expose what matters most: humanity. Your little girl is a perfect being, and health trumps everything. Wishing you peace as you continue this beautiful journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Danna Woody says:

    I wasn’t aware and will be praying for Selah and your family. God bless all of you and thank you for the words. Abortion seems to be such a first option these days instead of a last resort. There are SO many adoptive parents out there just waiting on a precious baby to call their own. God created these babies for a reason and we don’t need to try to pretend we are Him by deciding to take that life away. Again, if you do not want the baby, SO many families do! There ARE options.

    I have to say also, that I hate it for the doctors and nurses. I’m sure no matter their own beliefs they are bound by law to offer options. I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes.

    Judy-I have a friend that went through the same struggle. I am so glad you were able to bury your daughter and am sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Gayle M says:

    Hi! I happened on your blog post through a friend who liked it on Facebook. I was born with Turners, diagnosed as an infant, I am now 40 years old. I am leading a full life. Thank you for not giving up on your baby girl easily. If you guys have any questions or anything that you would like to ask someone who has Turners, I would be happy to talk with you. God Bless!


  8. Monica R Johnson says:

    This is Beautiful! Your baby girl is simply gorgeous already!!!
    Thank God for people like you!
    I will definitely be sharing this on Facebook!! Thanks to Amy Houser for sharing!!
    You and your family & your baby girl are added to my prayers!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. M says:

    My neighbors were told this 30 years ago. Their daughter, although she had Turner syndrome, was an amazing little athlete and a fantastic gymnast. She was perfect in every way smart healthy and has a wonderful life she is a beautiful child and a beautiful person. A voice spoke to the mother and told her it will be alright. And it was. They also were told to terminate.

    Liked by 1 person

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